-NicLMY-

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so,
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talking to me though
You need to watch the way you talking to me yo
I mean after all the things that we been through
I mean after all the things we got into
And yo I know of some things that you ain’t told me
And yo I did some things but that’s the old me
And now you wanna get me back
And you gon’ show me
So you walk around like you don’t know me
You got a new friend
Well I got homies
But in the end it’s still so lonely

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so Dr. Evil
You’re bringing out a side of me that I don’t know
I decided we weren’t gonna speak so why we up 3 a.m. on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don’t know she’s hot and cold
I won’t stop, won’t mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell your friends that you’re leavin’ me
They say that they don’t see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon’ see,
You’ll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin’, talkin’, talkin’, talk,
Baby lets just knock it off
They don’t know what we been through
They don’t know ’bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon’ keep hatin’ me
And we just gon’ be enemies
I know you can’t believe
I could just leave it wrong
and you can’t make it right
Im gon’ take off tonight
In to the night…

In the night I hear ‘em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul
To a woman so heartless…
How could you be so heartless… oh
How could you be so heartless?

Don’t look so sad, I know its over
But life goes on and this old world will keep on turning
Lets just be glad we had some time to spend together
There’s no need to watch the bridges that were burning

For the good times
I’ll get along, you’ll find another
And I’ll be here if you should find you ever need me
Don’t say a word about tomorrow or forever
There’ll be time enough for sadness when you leave me

Lay your head upon my pillow
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine
Hear the whisper of the raindrops fallin soft against the window
And make believe you love me one more time

For the good times…

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what’s mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won’t stop there
I am here for you if you’d only care
You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I’ve been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile

I’ve watched you sleeping for a while
I’d be the father of your child
I’d spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine
And I love you, I swear that’s true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I’m asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I’m kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow

James Blunt….

Embrace the golden shimmers

it’ll lead you to where your heart desires

have faith & believe in yourself

you know what’s true & no one else

reality ain’t as beautiful as fantasy

yet if you look closely

fantasies are built in reality

a place for where your heart finds its sanctuary

do not carry the world upon your shoulders

let it down & it’ll fall in place by itself

everything in life happens for a reason

a reason no one knows but trust God himself

what you have today you might not have the very next day

treasure what you have for not everything in life stays

yet whatever you lose might not have totally slipped away

if you truly love and believe in them then let them go their way

& somehow if they ever return to you someday

You’ll know then that they were meant to stay

Whatever that was meant to be will always be

Whatever that was never meant to be will never be

So don’t worry & be happy

Life was meant to be cherished fully

love.. ain’t that great after all…

I changed… but it’s all too late.. she finally left.. she finally made her words clear.. she no longer have feelings she no longer have hope anymore. she’s moving on with a new guy which she claim. i just can believe it.. everything we had before and the future… all vanished because of my wrong…

I still remember, at the midnite of 7/8/2007, I was sending her back home from her beauty pageant. Along the drive we had lots to talk and laugh about. I stopped her outside her house, and she said, "Why not we go sit at the padang (playground) for awhile." And it was at the padang outside her house, where we first hold hands. I still remember before dropping her off, I wanted to give her a goodbye hug, end up she softly place a kiss on my cheek. That was how everything started. It was her eyes that caught my attention first, slowly i fell in love with her smile her laughter at last her care n love that got me addicted to her.

But I lost it all, because of my sensetiveness, my unreasonable, my wrong… my fault that made me lose the person that I really loved. The person that I wanted a future with, to get married with and to have a child together. I lost it all.

I’m sorry for alwayz stopping you seek your happiness with your friends.
I’m sorry for alwayz making a big fuss of you not spending more time with me.
I’m sorry for controlling your ways of doing things you normally do.
I’m sorry for making a big fuss of you sending your friend to the airport.
I’m sorry for making a big fuss of you smoking 2 sticks of ciggeratte after meals.
I’m sorry for making a big fuss of you being close with your guy friends.
I’m sorry for asking you to keep the whiskey I bought for you at my place.
I’m sorry for asking you to spend more time with me when you are very exhausted and wanted to sleep.
I’m sorry for stopping you clubbing with you friends where that is the only time you get to spend with your friends.
I’m sorry for alwayz making a big fuss out of petty things.
I’m sorry for stopping you being yourself.
I’m sorry I’ve alwayz speak out of anger and said break-off.
I’m sorry for all the hurtful and untrue words I said to you before.
I’m sorry I’ve alwayz been un-reasonable.
I’m sorry I’ve alwayz act like a small kid.
I’m sorry I’ve taken advantage of your care and love.
I’m sorry I’ve alwayz been over sensetive.
I’m sorry I’ve never taken my promises serious.
I’m sorry for the promises made that couldnt be fulfill.
I’m sorry I’ve again and again given you false hope.
I’m sorry for making you this way.
I’m sorry….

too many things I done wrong to her. She was sweet, caring and full of love when I know her. But because my wrong.. all because my wrong….

I want the whole world to know all the wrong I did to her before, that I once swear to God. If I never made things right for her, I would die single. Laugh all you want homiez but that is who I am. I really loved her and I deeply regret not treating her rite.

Love? Love ain’t that great after all, if you can’t make her smile and provide her happiness. What’s the point of giving the world to her.. if the one and only thing which matters is her happiness.. I learned it the hard way.. happiness and freedom equals to love. Love itself does not bring any meaning at all….

A few days after you left, inside my heart I felt relaxed. I was still thinking in mind that, you were too hard to handle, and I was giving too much. I was selfish to myself. I can do whatever I want whenever I want; I have the entire day and time to myself. I have time for gym, I have time to watch the movies I never had time to watch, I can concentrate with the work I do.

Until one day, I was watching One Piece. There was a scene that was quite touching, “I decided I would, so it’s ok if I die trying…” Tears flooded my eyes, only then I realized that I wasn’t taking things seriously, I was too weak. The word itself has a very deep meaning into it. Everyone can have their own dream, their own target of what they want in any expects of life. But how many of them are really strong enough to achieve it? How many of them would really fight and die for what they really want? If you want to drive a Lamborghini, which sounds totally stupid and impossible, are you willing to fight the impossible to get what you really want if life? If you cannot fight for what you want in life, always giving up, then I think you are wasting your life. People might think you are unrealistic, you are stupid, and people might even laugh at you. But are you living other people’s life? What is life when you can’t even fight for the one thing that you really want in life, the only one thing that matters you most…

I was weak, I was selfish in the past.. I lost someone that matters most in my life because of me, because I did not take the responsibility seriously, because I was thinking of myself all the while. I lost what was most important in my life. I always thought that I deserve better for what I have given. Isn’t that a very selfish thinking? Yes it was..

Now she is gone. Am I’m living pain each and everyday now without her. But if I decided I would love her, so it’s ok if I die trying. Because it is she that I wanted a future with, it is she that I made a promise to hold her hand through the rest of my life. I’m living to fight for my dream. And I pray to God that one day I would change myself through this battle, to become a better person for her…

Life.. starts with a dream.. and that dream is for me to fight for.. even it takes my life away.. I died reaching for my dream… 

I’m sorry for never really treating you the way I should treat you..

I’m sorry for failing to control my temper whenever things go wrong..

I’m sorry for always saying the wrong hurtful words when you don’t deserve it..

I’m sorry for not giving you the strong feeling I once gave you…

I’m sorry for not keeping the smile on your face..

I’m sorry for being over sensitive and over protective over you..

I’m sorry for jumping into conclusions without understanding your explanations..

I’m sorry for not taking the promises I made to you serious enough..

I’m sorry for being selfish and always giving up easily..

I’m sorry for being weak until I really lose you…

For a change…

I am willing to watch ghost movies with you once a month..

I am willing to wash the dishes every time after meals..

I am willing to drive you wherever you want and fetch you back..

I am willing to hug you to sleep without you asking me..

I am willing to let you go wherever you want & do whatever you want without nagging..

I am willing to give you all of me without bragging or ask for anything in return..

I am willing to stand by your side not saying a word when you are sad..

I am willing to improve myself to help you remember things when you are forgetful..

I am willing to hold your hand and accomplish the promises I made to you..

I am willing to do everything for you willingly..

I love you.. and that is all that matters in my life..

One day I’ll finally get the nerve to say
How I feel, I hide away all the pain
I wish you’d stay

Cause I can’t stop my world from crying
I’ll hold on and I’ll keep on trying

I believe there’s a way to show you
Even when we are apart
Though the times we’re not together
You’re always in my heart

Words come a little too late
Now you’re gone but I’m still here and
I sing this song all alone
Something’s wrong

Cause I can’t stop my world from crying
I’ll hold on and I’ll keep on trying

Off all the things that I regret
Sometimes I forget to say
I love you

Can human being fight reality? If all of us live in reality, will there be anyone that could accomplish their dreams? Reality should be that we fight against it and follow our trust and believes and of course never lose hope as well.

When a person dies, he or she cannot be saved.

But when love dies, you do all no matter what it takes to save it.

———————————————————————————-

I still remember… it was a rainy late evening. After cleaning up the dishes my head felt heavy and I hit straight to the bed.

Suddenly I hear the door bell, “Ding Dong. Ding Dong.”

“Who is that, I’m half way asleep already”. I couldn’t be bordered and continued my dream.

“Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.”

Disturbed and irritated by the annoying door bell, I decided to wake myself up and approach the door.

“Coming, coming, who is this?”

My vision was still blurred and I can hardly move my head up.

The door was opened. “Hi Nic.”

I was awaked by that familiar voice, my eyes popped wide open and I can hardly believe it.

“Marshall, is that really you? When did you come back from Japan? How you managed to find out my new address…”

I’ve been talking in surprise when I dint realize that Marshall have walked into the house.

“Come have a sit, I’ll grab something for you, I bet you still like Latte do you…”

I came out from the kitchen with two hot cups of Latte in hand; Marshall is already sitting in the living room, reading the newspapers. He looked focused and can’t keep his eyes off a particular news report.

“Nic, come have a look….” He pointed at that newspaper.

“Err.. Isn’t this….”

“Yes, this is my college campus. A heavy earthquake occurred a few days ago….. There were a few injured and killed….”

“My sincerest condolence, but you should feel lucky that nothing bad happened to you. Let’s forget about this and change the topic to other happy stuff.”

Marshall looked straight into my eyes, as though as he is trying to tell me something but it’s hard to come out from his mouth.

“I’m gonna miss such a good friend like you…”

I was puzzled by Marshall’s comments.

Suddenly my phone rang; I responded Marshall with a smile and rushed towards my phone.

“Whatz up.” It was Alan who called.

“Hey, do you still remember our old friend Marshall?”

“Of course, how did you know that he’s in my house now?”

“Huh? Are you kidding me?”

“Yeah, you want me to pass the phone to him? Give me a sec..”

“Marshall, Alan’s on the phone….” I looked at the living room and Marshall disappeared.

“That’s weird; he was in my living room a minute ago.”

“What are you talking about, how can Marshall be at your house. I’m calling you to inform you the bad news that Marshall had passed away.”

I was stoned; my body was shivering like a cold wind just blew past.

“Are you ok? He was killed by the heavy earthquake that happened in Japan a few days ago.”

I was speechless, trapped. My handphone slipped off my hand… I fell down on my knees…

“How can this be….”

There is not a day, I regret being with you,
You may not see me or hear my voice,
but, I see you crying and have no choice…
To let you know that I’m always there,
watching over your times of despair.
Just keep me in heart and I promise you this,
I will send you a message with an unfelt kiss…
Keep your eyes open because you will see,
a beautiful picture that is part of me.
just for you to know I’m here to always stay…
We lived a life of a dream that came true,
unconditional love was how we started.
Cherish the moments we both shared together,
the ups and downs, let it stick forever…
I am peaceful now but, I have a spot for you that’s reserved.
The next time you see me will be a permanent smile,
Things will get better if you give it belief.
I hope you realize I’m still in your heart,
I love you, let this message speak itself…